New Experiences

I'm sure you're expecting this post to contain some awesome mountain bike adventure, or my story about backpacking through Eastern Europe. Well, it's not. To be perfectly honest, I'm poor, and I don't have a bike. I do aspire to go to Europe and one day acquire a bike, but for now I go to work and come home. I've learned that experiencing small new things such as, visiting a new coffee shop or learning a new skill, is just as exciting and fulfilling as a ride in a gondola through Italy. So what did I do that was so exciting that I felt the need to write about? None, other than quilting of course! 

I had always wanted to quilt, but I felt like what's the point. Believing that I wasn't capable of learning something new was a common feeling of mine. It still is. I struggle with self-confidence. I want to try so many new and different things, but I sometimes my anxiety and depression gets the better of me. I wind up just lying in bed most of the day, or playing The Sims 3. Some days it feels like I'm tied to a rope that's anchored to my house's foundation. I don't let this show. I don't want people to see my internal struggle. I'm afraid that if they do, I won't look the same in their eyes. 

So, what do you do when you need to mask your desires to just not exist in the real world? You pull your britches up and you go out into that terrifying real world. I know it may not seem like much but I made a quilt, two actually. My Aunt Tara helped me. I don't know if she saw how awkward I felt (yes, I'm awkward around my very own family), but she made me feel at home by chatting and offering me chicken. It really is the little things in life that make a difference. I drove twenty minutes from my home and started something, and finished it. It's not a large step towards internal freedom, but it's a step in the right direction. 

Hello there.

 Imagine being a twelve year old in an English class. You are curious about the world, and you want to tell everyone about the view from your own eyes. Aspiring to be a writer, a journalist, an activist, just to be told by your teacher that you are no good. My world shattered on that day. I wanted to change the world with words. Then Mrs. C (the name is irrelevant) decides to take it upon herself to inform me that I was not born to write, in fact, I wasn't even good at it and that I should not pursue it any longer.
    An educators job is to create curiosity and wonder in a child, not to demolish it. After those hurtful words I struggled to write. Before, I had written over 20 short stories starring a mischievous bunny. My self-worth diminished before I even understood what that meant. I continued to write short poems, but dared not show them to a soul. Most of them wound up in the trash bin next to my bed.
    I had a dream the other night that I was writing a blog or an article of some sort. I had followers and people who cared what I had to say. I was even in the process of writing a book. After discussing this dream with my love, Nick, he encouraged me to start a blog. I of course suggested that no one would care to read about my life. I felt that I had nothing important to say. He, being the wonderful man that he is, told me otherwise.
    So here is to a new chapter in my life (pun intended). And these next words are from my dream: I no longer care if you want to listen. If you don't want to hear what I have to say about my life then read something else. I'm here to change the world with words. I'm here to share a piece of me with a whole lot of people. I have things to say and people need to hear them. So, for my new and future readers, Hello. My name is Sarah Jane, and I am learning to become free.